I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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