I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
