i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
