Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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