my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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