His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
