I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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