I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
