First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
