No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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