i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
