apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
