I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
