is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
did i just pee glitter
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
