So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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