they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
