Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
