If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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