bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
