I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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