Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
