At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Let's get the cat blown out
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
