Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
