i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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