Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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