so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
