True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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