Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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