I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
