She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
