I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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