Come see our sink grown plant.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
