She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
