You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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