From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
