I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
