Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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