Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
