sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
