that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
