I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
