Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
