took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
