dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
