I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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