i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
