sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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