I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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