Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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