Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Boobs speak an international language.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
