Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
