I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
