first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
