I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
