hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
