Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
