The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
