Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
