haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
