New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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