Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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