I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
