Plan B is the new Plan A
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
