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the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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